Saying Goodbye.
I wish I was writing this as a guide to break up with your boyfriend, or as a way to know when it’s time to leave your job. It would’ve been easier if it was even about leaving a long time home or city, but it’s not, it’s about saying goodbye when death hits close to home.
Tonight, I came in the house, placed a few bags of groceries on the kitchen counter and froze. After making it through a long day without mentioning what was going on to any one at work, I got home sat groceries I had picked up down, looked at the kitchen counter and was overcome with emotion. My daughter was in the living room settling in at the time and I didn’t want her to hear me as the tears began to flow, so I got myself together and began unpacking to prep for our evening meal. I had decided earlier on to make spaghetti because its simple and doesn’t require much work or thought. Not to mention it always goes over well in our home. I got the pasta boiling and began to sauté the veggies and ground turkey when again I was swept over with sadness. This time I decided not to fight it. It wasn’t one of those ugly cries, so I went with it and gently let the tears flow down my face. As they came streaming down a hurricane of memories followed. Ones of dancing at the family gatherings, laughing and playing with my daughters and nieces, standing in the kitchen “testing” all the food before it hit the table on the holidays, and all the memories I have of her over the years. As it happened I stood there letting the memories and tears have their way with me before snapping back to reality and realizing I couldn’t let the food I was cooking burn. Burning spaghetti would be the end of my good cooking reputation and not something I could love with!
As I continued cooking, I really struggled with going about my daily routine and processing the fact that I’m losing my aunt Brenda. The oldest of my mothers siblings and absolute life of the party. We’ve known for sometime that her health was failing, but even when you know someone is slowly fading you aren’t quite prepared to say goodbye, which is what I had to do yesterday. I rushed after work to see her upon hearing news that she hit a new low point and made sure to get to her side. As I drove there I prayed that I would have one more chance to tell her I love her and to look into her beautiful brown eyes. It happened, and I was able to say my goodbyes while gently stroking her head. I was strong then, but not as I stood in the kitchen tonight.
As a woman of faith, I know that this life is temporary and that there is something greater on the other side, but it doesn’t take away the earthly pain of losing someone you’ve known and loved all your life. It also doesn’t take away knowing that time waits for no one, and facing the fact that as my mothers generation ages that mines must rise up and begin to lead.
You see, goodbyes are complex. They bring heartache, raise questions, strike emotions and leave huge voids where vibrant life once lived. Goodbyes require us to deal with letting go, and learning to live through pain. They aren’t easy, but they are mandatory for each and every one of us.
Tonight, as I got back to cooking dinner I began to ask myself how I could remember my aunt when she leaves. One thing came to mind, and it was her dancing and smiling. Tonight, as I think of her on her element I am choosing to live life excited in her honor. When I reach new goals or have moments of celebration I am going to dance like my aunty Brenda. I’m going to turn the music up, drop it low and enjoy the moment. I’m going to do that in her honor, and to carry the sweet memories that I will always have of her!
Finding a way to honor someone you’ve loved and loss is a great way of keeping them with you. It doesn’t make saying Good bye any easier, but it helps knowing that their memory will live on in whatever way we choose to honor them.
How have you chosen to honor the life of your loved ones? In what ways have you decided to keep their memory alive? I would love to hear them as I process this loss.
Written: August 1st
In honor of my aunt Brenda, Sunset August 6th
Purposefully yours,
Lady V
Check out more from Lady V by listening to her Podcast here: https://anchor.fm/vanika-lewis
