This year my husband and I celebrated five years of marriage. FIVE dedicated years of marriage! Hey, that may not seem like a long time to you but to us it his a milestone. These five years have been an amazing, loving journey that included some very rough times. Time where we want to quit and throw in the towel. But they’ve also included some beautiful moments that I wouldn’t trade for the world.

With that I’ll share that there are some things that I’ve learned along the way that I wish I knew in advance. It would’ve saved me and my husband many headaches! However, I can’t go back in time, so the next best thing is to pass the advice along. Today, I want to share those things with you. I know there is someone out there who is looking forward to marriage and I want to help you be ready for your journey ahead. So, get your pens and paper out and lets get into it. Here we go!

1. Know Yourself

It is so important to know who you are before you get married. When I say that I don’t mean the superficial know your zodiac sign, your favorite dish and what turns you on foolishness. I mean reeeeeally get to know who you are. What is your family history with relationships? If there have been any sustainable ones, how long did they last? What are the common threads? What perceptions and expectations are you carrying into the relationship? Where would a spouse fit on the priority list of your life. Those things. The serious things about you that no one asks, but yet are so vital to DNA of a marriage. If you don’t know where to start, I recommend reading “10 Things I Wish I Knew Before Marriage” by Gary Chapman. It is a great guide that will cause you to do some self discovery before making the big commitment.

2. know your faith

Growing up we often hear about being unequally yoked, but we don’t take into consideration what it means. Better yet, we always assume that the OTHER person is the one who is unyoked, we never consider that we could be the one making it difficult to move on one accord. This is why you need to know where you stand in your faith. Think about this, a yoke is something that would be used to link together two animals for a task or job that needed to be completed. Preferably to calves or two ox, ones that would be close to the same size and who had the same strength. If an Ox was paired with goat they would be unequally yoked. A goat is smaller and responds to command differently. Thus when the master speaks, they would not be on one accord and their response would cause disruption. For you, it is important to make sure that the person you are dating hears and responds to the Lord in the same way that you do. In order for this to work you have to know where you stand.

3. know your money

Reeeeel talk, money matter. Don’t let people tell you that love is greater than money. You can sit in on numerous divorce cases and learn that that is not true. Take time to review your finances and identify the priorities of your funds. Do you save? Do you invest? Are you in debt? How do you file your taxes? All of these things matter and can be drastically impacted when getting married. And if you’re anything like me sis, you don’t play when it comes to your coins. LOL! So make sure that you know where you stand financially and what your goals are. Also, you may not be the one who is strong financially. If so, you have to ask yourself if you would be willing to surrender your finances to your spouse for the betterment of your household.

4. know your family goals

Children are a blessing, annnnnnd a burden. They cost us financially, emotionally, with time and spiritually. Whether you have kids or not you need to take into consideration what the family structure you desire looks like. Ask yourself these things: Who will be the disciplinarian? What style of discipline am I open to? How will the burden of caring for the children be managed? What are expectations around raising children? What type of adults do we want our children to be? In answering these questions it will allow you and your potential spouse to find common ground on how to raise kids.

5. know your attractions

Besides sex, what things turn your on and off? There will be times when sex is absolutely amazing, and there will be times when you just aren’t feeling it. What things do you desire a spouse to do that will spark your arousal of him. When courting, ask these questions of the other person as well. You may find that he enjoys cooking, working out or quality time. It will be important for you to know that you can honor the things he desires and that you can uphold them even when you don’t feel like it. You will also need to learn how to communicate your needs in advance. Don’t make them guess, teach them what you need and guide them to show what it looks like.

Now, these are not all the things you need to know before marriage, but they’re a great start. Being aware of these things can really help position you for a great marriage.

And remember, God created marriage to be a beautiful reflection of your relationship with Him. It is a wonderful thing that nothing on this earth can compare to, but it is not to be taken lightly. That doesn’t mean run away from it, it simply means make sure you are ready and respect the importance of it!

I pray this helps you and that you take these things to heart. If you have questions or comments, feel free to share them below!