Depression.  It feels like..... Darkness. Loneliness. Emptiness. Hopelessness.

How do I know? Because I've experienced it.

There was a time in my life where I felt that there was no resolve to my emptiness and the only way out was death. It is a very sunken place to be in. And eventually, you act on it. 

In my case, I attempted to slice my wrist, but didn't have the courage to go through with it after the pain of the knife initially stroking my skin. So I resulted in another method, pills. In one fell swoop I swallowed as many as I could, and then I curled up alone waiting for them to work. Little did I know then that God had a greater plan for my life. Before any major damage could be done my mother found me and got me to the hospital where they proceeded to pump my stomach and place me on "watch". I saw the fear in her eyes, and the pain as she sat next to me unsure of why I would do something so drastic. And though seeing her didn't take my pains away, I knew that I had to try something other than taking my life. I had to find a reason to live, and my healing journey began.

It's hard to explain how you end up in a place where it is hard to see the value in your own life. And really, no matter what you explain it doesn't make sense to people who are far removed from the experience of depression. Because of this and the feeling of embarrassment when expressing those thoughts, it is not something talked about on regular basis. In fact, it's usually a secret until something drastic happens. As did this week with the deaths of two major icons: Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. Their deaths have sparked conversation around a topic that many sweep under the rug. And though I am saddened by their loss, I am happy to know that we are finally discussing the impacts of depression and mental health, and statistics around suicide. My prayer, is that someone out there is able to hear stories like mines and realize that they aren't alone. And that it is okay to speak up.

If its you, I want YOU to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

I am not one to keep secrets, but I can say that my experience with depression is not something I often disclose. But this week I was convicted, because without sharing people can't know that I am able to relate to what they are going through.

If you are in place right now where you feel that there is no way out, I beg of you to reach out and let someone know. They may not be able to fully understand your current situation, but they can give you a hug, pray with you, listen and simply be with you until you are in a better place. You do not have to go through this by yourself! If you feel that you aren't ready to be vulnerable with the people you are connected with I'm going share a number below that you can call, and where you can speak to someone anonymously. But either way, please reach out!

I promise that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that there is a way for you to find your purpose! God loves you, and He has a plan for you. I love you, and I don't want you to give up. Stay in the fight. And give life anther chance.

I love you! 

National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 / https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Purposefully Yours,

Lady v